Whaaaaaat Up??

What A Great Birthday!

Cheers, guys and dolls!
Thank you to all who made me feel so special and incredibly loved on my natal day. Wow. It was a fabulous birthday in so many ways. Lots of phone calls, tons of attention, sweet surprises and amazing food and then: the cops were called. No birthday could be complete without that....
Hehe.
No trouble. honestly.
But lots of wonderful sloppy singing and guitar playing at 4 a.m. Blame Alec for that one!!! We always have so much fun making music of one kind or another. Teresa kindly let me know that it was not my best performance, but at the time I felt pretty confident about it. Poor neighbors, Sunday night debauchery. Hmmm.
A trip to Julian, a gorgeous sunset, winetasting, dinner at Ruth's Chris, The Saloon with friends, Otis Redding on the jukebox, getting surprised by Snuggly Pants!!! Whew!! And just when the bar closed we walked out into these beautiful clouds of fog sailing through town like ghost ships. It was silent, with the glow of traffic lights gently changing hues and leaving a cool whisper of dew on our faces. Or maybe that was the jager and jameson coming out of my pores. HAHA!!
At any rate, 27 will be a most wonderful year.
I saw three redtailed hawks in the past two days...wonderful signs!!
I am officially beat, and have to get up early tomorrow to go sailing on the ocean!! Woohooo! If I don't go overboard, I will be back to tell you all about it. MER!!!!!!!

You've got to move it!

The best remedy for the lazy/overwhelmed doldrums: just start somewhere and keep moving!
The best remedy for feeling lost: Ask for directions or do something you know best. Or both!
The best remedy for feeling confused about men: Take a friend and a dog to the beach. Walk.
The best remedy for a cold tortoise: A huge-a-mongous heat lamp blasting red hot heat rays!
So, in conclusion to yesterdays blog, I have temporarily found enough answers to get me by for one more day. Thanks to Mom, Paula, Markala, Teresa, and Baby Burton. Oh, and the ocean.
Sand in the toes, wind in the nose...hoes before bros!!!

Life is full of bad decisions...might as well enjoy 'em!

Amber came up with that one today on the phone. It's been cold and grey for three days...the kind of weather for butternut squash soup and wearing your pajamas all day. I am doing both right now. I feel winter settling into my bones, the air hangs heavy and wet, the tortoise is miserable in his cold shell, and I have been hibernating in my bed for two days feeling warm and guilty. Warm... and guilty. Why is it that we put off doing the small things that would make things easier? Instead, I turn over in my sheets and pull my feather comforter over my head. I think I have clocked in a total of 28 hours of sleep in two days.
Life is confusing sometimes. I saw Carl yesterday for the first time in a month (since the infamous samba night disaster) and the same old stuff is all still there. But for what it's worth, he's a good man. I am not sure what this time of year does to me, but it is just laced with memories, homesickness, and the urge to nest. Clove spices, hot cider, falling leaves, heavy sweaters, fireplaces roaring, turinging 27 on sunday. WHOA!!!!!
I officially admit to a late twenties midlife crisis. I have GOT to get my shit together, and no one can do it for me. And hiding out in my bed will not do me any favors, either. I am showing my art at a wine tasting next saturday...just three pieces but it should be cool. I am torn when I think of selling my favorite piece....but it would change my life if it sold for what I am asking. Still thinking. Maybe I will paint some more new pieces and see what comes up. Anyways, see ya soon. LATE!

The Amazing Ache

heart hammering, aching, tortured, torn
i pick up the phone
it's late as usual.
i shake off the sleep and mumble hello and we talk.
a man stands over his sleeping children and breathes their breath while they sleep,
i listen to this faraway voice telling remnants of a past life,
and i wish i could make it different,
i wish there was a house with one roof,
i wish the mother was me and i was strong enough to not make mistakes,
like she did,
like he did,
like they did.
i lay on the couch with the symphony in my head,
the resonance in my ribcage,
the feeling of sophistication,
the amazing ache.
his voice grows lower and softer,
his children become shining and pure,
he becomes alive in that moment,
i want to sit next to him at the symphony and rest my head on his shoulder,
the musicians making the air warm and my head relax,
we breathe eachothers breath for a moment,
and doze off for a minute,
we laugh about it on the way home in the car,
and the headlights bounce off the canyon walls.
i come home to imaginary walls where he cooks breakfast in the morning,
where squealing boys get tickled and read stories,
where a new start and a new swelling grows.
i ask myself as he hangs up the phone why i feel this way?
why does my soul hurt,
like it always does when i speak with him.
what keeps me attached when there is nothingof my own to hold on to?

Myspace v.s. Blogger

Well, I did it.
I fucking signed up for myspace.
And now for your viewing pleasure there are pictures of last years snowboarding trip to Mammoth available at nocturnalartchick.myspace.com. I plan on adding more recent pics soon. I may just have too much internet access for my own good. Now Teresa is using ideas from my blog for her fictional writing class. Ok, so I am actually doing her homework for her. But it is fun to write, even for someone else's benefit.

Two nights ago things got a little out of hand at Filiberto's. I was practicing my capoeira kicks (bad idea at a restaurant) and this girl we met at the bar earlier turned and walked into my foot as I was kicking in the air. I am not sure how hard it hit, but from all racket she made holding her ear, it must've hurt a little. Woops. Moral of the story: Don't mess with me. haha. J/k. Moral of the story: Don't kick girls in the head, just keep your feet on the ground and eat your damn burrito. Needless to say, that friendship was over before it started. She kind of freaked me out at the bar, though. She kept smelling me and saying I smelled so good...not to toot my own horn, but I just got new smellies. Delicious! After one sniff it became a lesbian come-on, and I was not having anything to do with it. Maybe the kick was slightly intentional-- subconsciously, of course.

Other news: I am having a middle late twenties life crisis and I need to get going in a direction.
Life has become somewhat less complicated since the party vibe diminished and the other healthy stuff began. Now I am left with a clear view of how much there is to do... tired of waiting tables and spinning my wheels every month. Speaking of which, I must be off to a meeting at work. Alas, I must don the penguin suit. Adios, amigos!

Like A Baby's Arm!

Okay, so we're out last sunday watching the game at a local watering hole. The roar of eighty t.v.'s and the gentle rumble of drunken afternoon testosterone fills the room. And then there's us. Four chicks, doing way more beer drinking, lip gloss applicating, and wing eating than game watching. But we are keeping close tabs on the surroundings, and for God's sake, we're fucking chicks. News flash, girls don't reeeallly enjoy watching the game as much as we enjoy everything else that comes with it. Beer. Hot wings. Socializing, Men. Oh, how we love football season. (The game is cool too, it's not all for show, we do cheer here and there.)
On this particular fine day, three of us are looking like crap and genuinely just craving wings and sports. Then there's Tracy, who rolls in late looking like a fricken movie star. We all raise our heads from the feeding trough with wing sauce on our faces and just enough beer in our bellies not to care.
We all start giving eachother shit as usual, and making more than our fair share of noise. Then toward the end of our afternoon a guy shows up by the table and Tracy knows him. He leaves briefly and we discuss the reason we know him...one of our friends hooked up with him a long time ago. And we all know about the legendary dude, Don't know his name, but our friend let us know that he was amazing. In a few ways. So the guy goes to bring us shots, (just what we needed, blek) and we are all doing the "nudge nudge wink wink". And then Teresa just let's loose...(mind you she was the only one too hungover to drink and was sober...) "Sooooo! Like a BABY'S ARM, huh????" The dude turned about three shades of red and left the table to take a moment. We all laughed so hard we just about peed our pants. I mean, that is the rumor, but we had no idea she'd actually say something!!! Hahahahahaha! So funny.
And you guys thought this post was going in a totally different direction!!!! Ciao!

Black Leather 100 miles an hour...!

The roar of an Italian engine beckons,
Fly down the stairs, shake out my curls,
A man standing in black and red leather, handing me a silver helmet.
The sun slipping behind the mountains, everything indigo and burnt orchid.
We race to catch the coast, swallowing the sun.
Turns make me hold on closer, shifting weight and trying to be loose.
Pavement rushes by like a dangerous treadmill, makes me dizzy, I look up. He touches my hand as we fly, two dark shadows on the ground.
Heart hammering for two reasons, maybe three.
We made it, the last shimmers of magenta mingling with the encroaching night.
Nocturne's gauzy wings stretch out, revealing a full shining moon.
As if God's fishing bobber has dropped into our night sky pond.
I am swimming under the stars, smelling a sweet musk as I turn my head
into Enrique's neck.
His body my recliner on the rocks.
Ocean reaching up gently to greet us.
Hard to sleep now, rewinding all the images, hands still cold from the wind.
Each crest of city receding into blackness, little rivulets of twinking city diamonds.
Each little detail of his face, voice, character...receding into my heart.

3 gallons of sweat and the Berimbau

I just got back from training tonight...my first class with Paulo at UCSD. Watched a little Sex in the City rerun and marinated in my workout clothes. Gross, huh! Wanna snuggle? (Trust me, you don't). I am taking two days of music training/capoeira, and then the wednesday night sweatfest for a two hour sesh. Holy guacamole. All I know is that my body is going to feel pretty sore tomorrow morning. I like it, though. I told Paulo to pick on me and make sure I do things the right way...I don't want to look like an uncoordinated gummy worm. That is how I feel right now seeing myself do all these combinations in the mirror. Bruno also teaches in the class and it is full of really cool kids. The music tonight was incredible...everyone clapping and singing together in waves of crescendos. I love it. I can't wait to be better...it consumes my thoughts and drives me to want more!!! You guys should really check it out if there are any groups around your area.
I am soaking wet right now, which is super gross because I chose to write instead of shower right away. Gnar-gnar. I will shower, I promise. SO...any ole ways, it feels good to be more active and I am also considering becoming accredited as a paraglider. There is a gliderport over Blacks Beach that does certification on hangliding and paragliding. I went three years ago for my birthday and I will never forget the feeling...like a floating meditation. And the bonus is you fly over naked people. Yay! Naked!! I wonder, do they have nude-gliding? Not for the faint of heart. Ha!
I spoke with my sissy today out in Colorado. I want her to come spend some time with me asap. It has been so long since we have had more than a vacation or two to catch up and I feel a bit amputated..not emotionally, but I wanna see her little face. I miss cooking with her in the kitchen and drinking a manny together. (Manny=Manhattan i.e. the most delicious whisky drink on the planet!! Clinkies!!!)
That's for you, Moobear!
As far as other news, I have been feeling pretty good about turning 27 in a few weeks...weird, but I like getting a little older. I have noticed I don't look as young anymore, but it's fine. Life gets richer and more simple as I weed out the fluff. And though there is a lot of daily stress to manage..you know, static in the head...I feel like I can put it aside and be ok with not knowing. Being comfortable and even looking forward to the adventure of not knowing exactly what direction life will go.
I am looking forward to coming home soon...about a month away now! And I am truly elated to see everyone back in Michigan. Mighty Mitten State! Holla! I am going on a motorcycle ride with Enrique tomorrow and catching the sunset somewhere on the coast. It should be fun, no? Can't wait!! More latah...Muah! Me

I Have A Boyfriend?!

How these things happen, I will never know. I know I have been riding a vicious merry-go-round of male distraction. Unsatisfying and more mental than real. I really should write a synopsis of my year and turn it into a script for a t.v. show. But after this last week I decided to say fuck it. I want to concentrate on myself more...and I have been. The love bug had been crushed by the heel of my boot, or so I thought.
In the span of three days I find myself in a previously unthinkable situation. But when you know, you know. I could be heinously wrong, of course, but gut instinct tells me to see where this goes. So I have a boyfriend. He is tall, dark, beautifully handsome, kind, intelligent, funny, exotic, exciting, and a gentleman. Those being the more rare creatures on earth, how could I turn down his proposal. (Now think of this being said like Antonio Banderas in a spanish accent..) "eh-Stephanie, weel you be my giiirlfriennn?" Um, what??? Two dates... not really even two real dates. And I am taking the plunge. Well, it is not like we're eloping, but geez. I like it. When I met him a few months ago I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Now I don't have to. So I feel really happy right now...and I think I am ready to have a commitment. Yeahyer!!! Added bonus: my friends like him too. Double bonus: smells wonderful, shares my interests, damn cute, and sincere.
So I guess all the stupid letdowns were meant to be the dominoes falling in line to get here...to Enrique. What a pleasant surprise!!!!