it's hot in foxland

even the bottoms of her feet were sweating this morning. the air hung thick, like a wet wool blanket and not a single leaf stirred on the branches outside. "ughhhhhh," she moaned, wiping strands of hair away from her face. they reminded her of linguine or those rubber tongues inside an automatic carwash. a knock sounded at the door and she closed her indecently splayed legs. immediately beads of sweat began to gather where they met. "yuuuuup! c'mon in!" she yelled, stationary on the couch. ashley came slowly up the stairs with her boxers rolled down at the waist and up on her thighs. "dude. let's go in the sauna." she personally thought this sounded terrible. why would you subject yourself to 115 degree heat in a dark sweatbox when you could lay in 102 degree heat on the couch. "hey, it'll make it seem cooler outside. let's go." she grabbed her water bottle and headed for the door with ashley.

once inside she smelled last nights adventures seeping out of her pores. it had been so hot and the wine had been so cold. fuck. she had slipped into a summer mood the minute the solstice moon lit up the sky. she thought about enduring the heat in silent meditation but ashley broke the silence. "how was last night?" "soooo groovy." it had been jessica's 30th groovy birthday bash and everyone came dressed in their 70's gear. she thought about the end of the night when the wine went to her head and the melted chocolate on the stove was discovered. friends became chocolate covered body parts and that's when steve had had enough.. she wanted to stay but didn't trust herself to be left with sexy friends, more wine and all that chocolate at four in the morning. "i feel restless, like a mustang being broke to ride." ashley nodded and rivulets of sweat poured off her nose. both girls had grown up with horses. "i'm just in a mood, but i think it's just pms. i feel totally bitchy right now." ashley laughed in accordance and they opened the door out to the pool. she was right, it did make it seem much cooler outside. the pool felt even better. foxland was exciting and hot, for sure. she reflected on the clothing line, the fire spinning, the energy working, the sex, the romance novel she just finished reading. shit, her own life was hotter than that stupid four hundred page cocktease. "hmmm, maybe i'll start writing erotica again," she said aloud. ashley looked up. "good idea."

new hug

the new new hug is bullshit.

fleas and natural remedies

it started just after steve brough kali over for the night. the next day violet began scratching and the week ensuing left no doubt. we have fleas. i say "we" because violet is my little shadow and i have to watch her suffer. a week or so has gone by and the natural flea powder i got from environgentle was not so gentle. it didn't kill her fleas but it made quite a dent in her hair and now clumps are falling out all over the house. i researched advantix and other poisonous (yet effective) flea medications and came up feeling guilty. i will not poison my dog and endanger her organs over this. however, the old adage : "lay down with dogs, rise with fleas" comes to mind and makes my whole body convulse in anticipation. i got to work online yesterday and asked my green pet owners what to do. they all suggested garlic in the food and salt or borax sprinkled all over the house. what i found out was that fleas are mostly water and will dry up if enough salt is covering your carpets. i am testing the theory as we speak and tracking salt all over the house. rachel asked me if i has been to the beach lately because the house is all "sandy". unfortunately not the case. i also read that dawn/palmolive dishsoap will kill the fleas and the eggs so bathed her in some of that yesterday and found a ton of dead fleas afterwards. people even tell me to put a dish of soapy water out at night with a candle in the middle and see how many i catch. ew! i've heard everything from stashing crabapples under your couch to strategically placing walnut branches around doorways and behind furniture. all i know is in my quest for a safe and quick solution i am getting itchy waiting for it to work.

beautiful friends

painted, we crawl out into the night,
a world deconstructed and free.
we swim our separate ways into the stars, the trees, the pulsating lights.
i finally feel like me.

finding balance

somewhere between up and down and in and out
therein lies a song, warbling delicately on the tail of an electric weekend.
the rv's pull out of the campground like a bathtub draining slowly and the sun has dipped below the mountains.
we sit, sharing chocolate and wine, various offerings from the festival,
and unwind in the embers of a final sunset.
laughter, fear, joy, tears, excitement....so many emotions and colors swirling through our minds and hearts.
we are forever changed, somewhere in the balance.

stephi and steveo

just another night on the town?

his eyes sparkled across the table and he raised his glass. "cheers, honey." *clink* i stared at this man with the green eyes and the raised glass, my thoughts turning slowly around the idea of being with him for a long time. his eyes were gathering a light dusting of wrinkles and he spoke about losing his hair. "see? right here my hairline is changing. i've got a good melon though, so maybe i'll just shave it anyways. will you still love me when i'm bald?" "i think we should dab a little rogaine on that shit right now babe, let's not take any chances!" i wink at him and take a sip of the wine he chose. it's delicious...the high terrace Beaux Freres pinot, an '01. we both laugh and he makes room for our brie and asparagus brioche. "i always have such a good time with you whenever we're out...you make me want to go big everytime." earlier we had a light debate over wine and i had urged him to be reasonable. there was a nice syrah made by the same winemaker as Seasmoke (one of our faves) and it was only thirty bucks. "you choose," he insisted as he headed for the walk-in cooler where they keep the best wine chilled.

i was somewhere between going big and being frugal. he was, on the other hand, in his normal mode of "go big or go home". "yeah, we could just do preventative medicine on your noggin and see where that takes you...," i smiled as i said it. "i have sensitive skin though." his mind was wandering into a land of rashes and skin reactions. our appetizer arrived and we became consumed with the flavors of melted brie and mixed greens between sips of the pinot. "this is soooo amazing!" we both looked up at the same time. "i don't think i should tell you...maybe i will....err, no. i shouldn't. well, maybe i should. hmmm." i turned my full attention on him and away from the feast. he laughed nervously, then told me he had something he needed to ask my father when we went back to michigan this summer. i put my fork down. "dude." "i don't want to take away from your sister's day, so i wasn't sure but i want to ask in person."

my mind started spinning and i felt myself smiling. life is so strange. beautiful yes, but strange. it's as if time had no patience for the clock and decided to skip ahead to an unrecognizable new life. i never thought in a couple of months that the landscape of my life would change so fast. here i am designing a clothing line, doing my art, working for a new company, sharing an amazing bottle of red with a man who loves me the way i've always wanted to be loved. insane...i might be close to this feeling called happiness. all these years he has been so patient everytime i came close and ran away. "do you want to skip the firespinning and the reggae band and go home...*winks*...maybe take a little dip in the 'cuzzi afterwards?" i like the idea but i really want to go dance. we decide to go see the band and meet up with our friends. then the impact of what he's just said starts hitting me. i feel a mixture of fear and an uprising of old reactions taking hold, but i can't tell any of my girlfriends over the reggae. we just dance and i tell myself to relax. doing it my way all these years hasn't proved very successful in the happiness department. i watch the sixty something rasta man sway in the spotlight with his long dreads. "dude, look at him. he's so happy," steve says in my ear. i think to myself, "me, too."

my teacher

the air was still tonight and the clouds hung low. they reflected the light and it was easy to see the shoreline and his face. the longest waves we'd ever seen before extended in a white line for miles. one unbroken crest meeting the shore followed dozens of waves behind them. i sat next to him in silence, wondering at the bright images i was receiving through our energy. i closed my eyes, seeing a moving scene of intense butterfly kaleidoscopic waves, quadrants forming and peeling back, folding into themselves to reveal thumbprints, skeletons, caves with fires, the texture of a throat, animal energy, canine, cave lion, beckoning, old energy, a deep sense of home. gratitude flooded me when he looked at me. we both knew, but then he said it out loud. i am ready to teach the class in english. my heart began to open and i listened intently as he continued. it will change your life. you will see my world and energy the way i see it. then you can pass it on and use it to help heal others. it is time.

the sands of time

i seem stripped of all my former mythology. like a forest clearcut and starting anew, my lifescape is emerging into a very different scene. i feel so grateful for the changes and challenges scraping away the fluff and exposing me to new things. it is scary and unpredictable, yet i feel a sense of surrender and peace trying a new way. i've read the years of blogs, the hopes and loves, the trips and trappings of a searching spirit. i finally feel able to stand still and breathe, which yoga has taught me a lot about lately. the ever twisting path is really very simple...sleep, eat, breathe in and out, and carry the light. radiance! love! inspiration! michael fatali's work captures this simple and grand scope of it all...the words failing me as my heart catches in my chest when i gaze at his photos.