just another night on the town?

his eyes sparkled across the table and he raised his glass. "cheers, honey." *clink* i stared at this man with the green eyes and the raised glass, my thoughts turning slowly around the idea of being with him for a long time. his eyes were gathering a light dusting of wrinkles and he spoke about losing his hair. "see? right here my hairline is changing. i've got a good melon though, so maybe i'll just shave it anyways. will you still love me when i'm bald?" "i think we should dab a little rogaine on that shit right now babe, let's not take any chances!" i wink at him and take a sip of the wine he chose. it's delicious...the high terrace Beaux Freres pinot, an '01. we both laugh and he makes room for our brie and asparagus brioche. "i always have such a good time with you whenever we're out...you make me want to go big everytime." earlier we had a light debate over wine and i had urged him to be reasonable. there was a nice syrah made by the same winemaker as Seasmoke (one of our faves) and it was only thirty bucks. "you choose," he insisted as he headed for the walk-in cooler where they keep the best wine chilled.

i was somewhere between going big and being frugal. he was, on the other hand, in his normal mode of "go big or go home". "yeah, we could just do preventative medicine on your noggin and see where that takes you...," i smiled as i said it. "i have sensitive skin though." his mind was wandering into a land of rashes and skin reactions. our appetizer arrived and we became consumed with the flavors of melted brie and mixed greens between sips of the pinot. "this is soooo amazing!" we both looked up at the same time. "i don't think i should tell you...maybe i will....err, no. i shouldn't. well, maybe i should. hmmm." i turned my full attention on him and away from the feast. he laughed nervously, then told me he had something he needed to ask my father when we went back to michigan this summer. i put my fork down. "dude." "i don't want to take away from your sister's day, so i wasn't sure but i want to ask in person."

my mind started spinning and i felt myself smiling. life is so strange. beautiful yes, but strange. it's as if time had no patience for the clock and decided to skip ahead to an unrecognizable new life. i never thought in a couple of months that the landscape of my life would change so fast. here i am designing a clothing line, doing my art, working for a new company, sharing an amazing bottle of red with a man who loves me the way i've always wanted to be loved. insane...i might be close to this feeling called happiness. all these years he has been so patient everytime i came close and ran away. "do you want to skip the firespinning and the reggae band and go home...*winks*...maybe take a little dip in the 'cuzzi afterwards?" i like the idea but i really want to go dance. we decide to go see the band and meet up with our friends. then the impact of what he's just said starts hitting me. i feel a mixture of fear and an uprising of old reactions taking hold, but i can't tell any of my girlfriends over the reggae. we just dance and i tell myself to relax. doing it my way all these years hasn't proved very successful in the happiness department. i watch the sixty something rasta man sway in the spotlight with his long dreads. "dude, look at him. he's so happy," steve says in my ear. i think to myself, "me, too."