pink balls

yeah, that's right. because i am a girl, that's why. and i like coordinating my balls with my outfit. on the golfcourse! but of course! haha! man i had a great day today. i can say i fully touched a state of bliss...fueled by a night of fun, meeting a wonderful and hilarious man, being out on the town with teresa, playing a killer round of golf with pink balls and beating a cute boy, having the most exquisite blue cheese burger and onion rings on the face of the planet...i have been on top of the world today! i also got my period, which flooded me with estrogen so i feel semi-sane again. oh and today the coolest thing happened when i was cardancing. here i am, just jamming out to michael jackson driving along the coast and hand dancing out the window. up ahead i see an arm snake out of the suv and start dancing too! we were following eachother's hand dance and it turned out to be a little girl. her dad rolled down the window when we came to a four way stop and said "you are SO cute!" and smiled! they drove off before i could respond, but i just love love loved seeing that little person infected by bliss. yeah, so today felt good. ever since my paintings went up in the restaurant i have felt a lot more energy. my boss highfived me in front of the staff tonight and it felt really nice to have some support. the ball is rolling, and a few guests have already asked me to talk turkey. i really feel good about moving in this direction, and very grateful to have such an opportunity to get it out there in a high end venue. my business cards arrive shortly! yes! and i met another artist tonight who was just radiant. she gave me her card and i'm going to check out her jewelry. she has made the transition from a j.o.b. job to being successfully self employed and living her dream. it's as if a switch has been flipped after talking with my soul coach. teachers are dropping out of the woodwork and into my arms. my brain, my heart, my soul. it's a very energizing feeling, the cocoon slowly melting off. i have a few friends that dj and i have been thinking of doing another art show. this time there will be cocktail hour with wine and cheese and mellow music, followed up with some dance music...you better believe michael jackson will be in the mix...a little jurassic five...a little flaming lips...whoah! watch out!

i aim to sustain my energy and momentum. good things are happening, and i am amazed at how quickly the universe responds to you when you make clear intentions. i think i feel a certain freedom as well from some of the distractions of my heart. i have come to realize right now is a time for me to get my art on. and while i am still wild about chest hair and flirting and all that fun stuff, i don't want a boyfriend. not even a little bit. mostly because it's too serious for me to handle right now. i am much more relaxed keeping my self to myself. when i lived in scripps ranch for 9 months i became very lonely...and celibate. yowzers! does masturbation count? haha. all i know is that i met k online and no one else will ever be him. he changed my perspective on love, and we never once met face to face. we met soul to soul, lifetimes ago. it was shocking and powerful and confusing. in the end, it broke my heart in places i never knew i had, and it was because we had created them together over many lives. i still believe he is real, i want to believe he is who he says he is, and i miss him every day. so in a way, my heart can't be broken by anyone else because it isn't even close to healed. when i met someone new directly after k and i stopped communicating, i still had my wall down. i think i may have transposed some of my deep feelings onto the next man because he was tangible. and we had such exotic adventures and fun together...but then it shifted shortly after he went to south america. i felt a double blow on that one, thinking maybe i need to give up on being so loving and open. but that goes against my grain. so now i think i want to spread my love inward and outward to the world. make some infinity love. touch people through my art and find more blissful days of car dancing with a grin on my face. i know everything happens for a reason. it is a journey not a destination, and no one knows when the next phase begins. i could die tomorrow or in sixty seven years. i do know that i want to go big. i want to finish my leg of this journey knowing i grew and loved and learned as much as possible..stretch marks on my soul. blessings, stephie