late twenties crisis

if i am not in school then i need to make something happen. on my own. the approach has been soft, until now. lots of talking and minimal bursts of intense action. so i went out and found a life coach. it's like having a holistic cousellor. man, i need one. i am falling into a state of what he defined as "self centered emptiness". bingo. i wondered if many other people feel this way, and then retracted that thought because it doesn't really matter right now. what matters is becoming aligned in my purpose as given to me by the source. the oneness knows. i am part of this oneness, so a part of me knows too. that is what is creating this dissonance. i know i am not truly doing everything i can to be a successful artist. there is this quote, "if you want to hunt tigers, you must go where the tigers are." yep.

i know the feeling i get when i am operating on the "right" frequency. it is night and day...the static falls off, i am energized, i feel powerful, graceful, generous, optimistic, and creative. i feel like i am on fire with passion for life! i become a magnet for magical beings and wonderful things start to happen! and then somehow the dial gets turned a little bit and i fall out into this lethargic fearful place. i feel that by having a steady hand to hold, i can keep my dial where i need it to be and become the butterfly i long to be. i need help, and admitting it is the first step. finding that help was easy...it was right there. i spoke with my life artist soul coach today for an hour. it changed my perspective on my life. yesterday i felt bored for the first time that i can remember. BORED! what is that? i realized i was ready for change, and far worse is boredom than fear of the unknown. the unknown is what is exciting about life, right? not just scary. brian said that people would rather stay miserable and comfortable than to reach out and leap into the unknown. that is where he comes in...when you know that your time is now! he made me think about who i am THIS MOMENT not last year or in the future. i am an artist now. we talked about intentions and goal achievement. i scribbled notes on a big pad of paper with a black permanent marker. normally i write in purple extra fine ink. this bold permanent marker leapt from my drawer and asked me to say it loud. and stick to it. so...i am.

my intentions are as follows:
i will quit waitressing this year.
i will go to thailand this winter.
i will teach art classes instead of relying on the gerbil wheel.
i will make a brochure for my classes and my art bio by the end of this month.
i will find a photographer to shoot my artwork and put those images on file at printmaker.net so i can order prints for clients.
i will live a comfortable and disciplined lifestyle centered around making the world a more beautiful and creative place.
i will help others touch their fears and let them go through making art.
i will believe in myself, and when i falter, i will rely on my support systems i am creating right now.

well, that about sums it up for now!!! blessings, friends. may we all find connection through our separate journeys. :)