hide and seek

the fire blazed against a crystalline indigo sky. salty air rolled up, pushed into my nose with each cresting wave and i pulled the covers over my cold face. you laid a few inches away, incredibly close, and i couldn't believe how my heart was hammering. i pulled the blanket down and peeked at you, finding you looking directly at me. you didn't smile, your eyes were huge and luminous and saw straight into me shifting back and forth. i felt anxiety rising in my body as the gongs sang to us from the top of the sand bluff. everyone took their own poses in the meditation, some facing the full moon with upturned faces and palms. others huddled close to their friends under blankets. i wondered just how it was that you came to me tonight. my hands turned my nautilus shell in the firelight and i noticed the spiral relecting the opal sheen underneath. so old. so beautifully powerful. i tried to give it to you to hold but you held my hand instead. i wondered why i felt to gentle, so vulnerable, so loving. i wanted to hide but i knew that the truth was it is just a reflex. what i really want most is to be seen. we walked down the beach after drumming and looked at the water. the moonlight lit the place in shadows of light blue and purple but your eyes were full of green light. i saw my hands on your arms and there was a light coming around us from within. i asked for you, you said. i asked for you, too. i'll probably hide, you said. i asked if you wanted to remain hidden or you wanted to play hide and seek. you smiled, and i knew what to do without having to do anything.