treasure

sometime in 2004

it was morning and i had a long way to drive. i started up the 350z and it purred, ready to grab the curves of the road ahead. what a fricken fantastic day to be alone, driving a brand new black convertible down the coast from san francisco. the air was crisp and i put on my white poncho. i put down the top just for kicks and tied back my hair.

the grandeur of the coastline crept in, growing in beauty as i drove south from santa cruz. a cop told me to slow down and i couldn't believe he didn't give me a ticket. "it's a long way to huntington beach," he said sternly. "make sure you take it easy with your new car." i heaved a sigh of relief and continued cautiously for a few miles. then the scenery blended away everything else and i was taken. i fell in love at first sight, drinking in each whitecap and crest of shoreline. it grew in my heart, resounding with more and more clarity until my eyes welled and spilled over.

i made it to carmel before i started full on weeping....the beauty seized me and i doubled over, swerving a little before pulling off into a vista overlook. those images have haunted me since, and i have done many paintings trying to recapture the piece of my spirit i left there. it claimed me then, and i gave it willingly. the sea sparkled endlessly and before long i was in big sur.

something told me to stop. so i did.

i walked into a little shop by the side of the road. art, hats, scarves, jewelry, beautiful paintings, and delightful beanies. i walked around the shop and the woman inside greeted me from the corner.

i pulled the hat down over my ears, marvelling in it's perfection. the hand crocheted patterns dazzled me, and the softness of the materials were unmatched. this was no ordinary beanie. little did i know the woman who made the beanie sat behind the counter, staring intently with deep brown eyes. we both took sidelong glances at eachother, noticing how much we looked alike. she came over and helped me choose, and told me about how she puts prayers into them while she works. sacred hats. i smiled at her and we looked into eachother for a moment. it was very much like looking in a mirror. a sister soul.

as she rang me up for the earrings, willow art, and beanie, i glanced down at the cd's on display. and there he was, a familiar face on the front of a very familiar album. "oh, i know this one!" i murmured. "you do?" said the brown eyed goddess. "yes, he was my first friend in huntington beach!" "oh," said the goddess. "you're stephie from the beach, aren't you?" "you're dena!"
we both looked at eachother and smiled. she was his fiancee. the stop in big sur proved to extend throughout the afternoon, with laughter and hikes and talks and the sniffing of oils and exchanging of smells and taking pictures. after a warm hug, i left her there, and headed down the coastline wearing my fluffy.

later on that year...

paula came to town and got a job in irvine at ruth's. the staff recoiled, and i saw the whites of her eyes when she came to sit down for "family meal". i too had been the new one, and i knew the drill. it was worse than being the new kid in the lunchroom in gradeschool, so i motioned for her to sit next to me. she was soft, graceful, powerful, raw. her deep red hair was pulled in a flawlessly sideparted hairdo, and her lips were stained scarlett. creatures like this were more than rare in orange county. i was curious, and we sparked up some conversation. i told her i had recently gone to big sur and we spoke of the wonders there. it wasn't until a few weeks later when paula invited me over that she pulled out one of the magical hats. i showed her mine, and we squealed in delight! the universe is so humorous and wonderful! she had a few of dena's beanies. we became close friends instantaneously. :)

2004, 05, 06, 07

there are few pictures of me without that beanie on, in retrospect. i wore my fluffy everywhere and through every season. snowboarding, festivals, drumcircles, sleeping on beaches, going on trips, cozying up for a walk at night, a cool bicycle ride to the sugar shack for breakfast, plane ride to michigan. you name it, the fluffy was there. it sparked conversations, it was coveted by men i dated, it was never shared. i just couldn't do it. i'll give you anything else, but not my fluffy. it was a small physical connection with a larger magical plot and i loved it. i still do, poor worn out thing. and i treasured that lovely afternoon with the beautiful woman who made the hat, singing her prayers into the stiches and rubbing essential oils into them.

june 27, 07

we pulled into big sur around mid afternoon and needed some rest. i had told my mom all about the place and the last time i stopped through for a few hours. the trees and waterfalls alone were enough to call me, but there was more to my agenda to be sure. i wanted to find dena. i had a funny little tickle in my heart and i hoped she would remember me. people around town told me i could find her hats at local color, near the spirit gardens. after a long morning hike in the redwoods, featherhunting, and lunch we made it to the little shop. it was closed. the dreadlocked girl running the shop came over and opened up for us and i silently moved to the basket of hats. i wondered if one would call me. we tried them all on and my mom was talking about how wonderful it is to wear skirts and....there was this beautiful incredulous face. there was my friend, looking beautiul and brown and smiling at me. we had a wonderful reunion and i knew that i had held onto that hat for so long because of this moment. my sisterfriend. i have such joy knowing i will be sharing in the dance with her, and doing some journeying with an amazing human. (yes, she remembered...heehee!) and it is spooky how many things we have in common. this was the friend i have been missing, and i feel so very blessed to have found her again. yay!!!! oh, and i love my groovy new hat too, but i am more excited to go back to big sur and spend some time. what treasured moments are these!