Ripcord

tiny bubbles rise to the top of my veins
i am breaching too fast,
heart hammering,
unable to breathe,
consumed.
my fantasy seems to unravel a bit
is this the end?
is it intuition or is it fear?
selfish, selfish,
perhaps i should try slowing down.
i asked for uncertainty, did i not?
my mind races in the same fucking gerbil wheel.
my eyes glued to the phone to see if there is a missed call.
no.
two days.
fuck.