In love with love

Tracy and I sat looking at the ocean today, sipping a glass of chilled sauvignon blanc from New Zealand. I palmed the bottom of the glass, allowing the heat from my hand to open the bouquet of the wine a bit further. Impatient, I know. The ocean smelled salty and cool, so unlike the summertime. We were out on the deck at Charlie's, and she was giving me her take on my situation.
I listened to her words silently, smiling a bit, and inside of my head I was dually listing all of the wine's characteristics. "Steph, I think you are a wonderful human being, but you are in love with love....." Nose: lemon zest, herbaceousness, forest moss, pine sap. "I think you may be more romantic than most in your thinking, and you are young..this is the time for risks...." Body: lean, high alcohol, low viscosity, low residual sugar, high extraction. "Remember the so-called boyfriend you had for nineteen days and you never even saw him naked?" We both laugh aloud, and my eyes squeeze shut with embarrassment. Yep, I may have jumped the gun on commitment just a tad on that one. Hilarious. Fuck it, I thought it would be fun to try the reverse of what the norm is...try taking it slow or something. Profile: tropical backbone, mango, lime, red grapefruit, wet tree bark, no grass, complex, balanced, medium finish, excellent paired with chilled seafood in a lemon-basil dressing...ooh...maybe a bit of sage on the finish as well.
Tracy's voice tunes back into my internal wine analysis...."Yes, Steph, I think you are in love with love."
That made me think all day. Then I read back on this blog and wondered silently...am I really that easily captured into love? I have certainly been inspired, aroused and curious about certain men, but never felt "in love" with any of them. I have not said "I love you" to anyone in two years. No one has said it to me, either. I pressed rewind on my lovelife and scanned for importance...I found close to nothing. And the feelings I have today for Ka'eo...they are in a new category. It doesn't even compare. And I am not saying this for anyone's benefit or to create insult. I just haven't really cared this deeply for anyone...dare I say it? Ever. How can that be, when I have yet to meet him in person....but I feel as though I JUST KNOW.
Tracy looked at me. "Well Steph, if anyone's gonna defy convention and find the love of her life surfing on myspace...it would be you!" She smiled, and belted out her characteristicly hearty laugh. "I know, Trace, it sounds pretty crazy. But in one week I am gonna get him from the airport, and we'll both just know. The moment we meet, we'll know. And either way, we will either be a perfect match or best of friends. So I realllly hope he doesn't have snaggle teeth...." We both howl. She sees I had to break the seriousness with some stupid humor..and I love it that I need not explain further. "So,how's the wine?" I ask. She likes it, and it is that simple. Not so simple for me. Perhaps that is why I haven't fallen in love like this before. "It's good" is not enough in life for me...all the details are left out in that critique. I need more...I am more, and he is more than my wildest dreams allowed me to forsee. Whoah! Pretty fucking sweet, man.

So am I in love with love...no,I don't see it that way. Am I inspired by love or the craving for it? Definitely. Have I always dreamt of finding Ka'eo...well, yes. And all the little pieces of the former lovers have made a bridge to this moment.