Comfort In Uncertainty

I read a book two years ago or so, called "Comfortable With Uncertainty" by Pema Chodron. It was the kind of book that you keep by your bed during strange times, and randomly open to any given page to find the message intended for you by the universe. Well, that is what my friend Paula said. And I used her advice, doing the equivalent of a "bible dip" as mentioned in the book "Running With Scissors". If you have no idea what I am talking about it is ok. I just don't watch TV a whole lot.
Well, this theme of change has been evident in my life's entirety as of late. I feel like a different person now, as if I unzipped the little red jumpsuit clothing my heart and now it's streaking in the woods. So that is a good thing. I just wanted to express that taking small steps and allowing oneself to be in the present moment is the only way I got through those times of craziness. Being ok not knowing. Being able to appreciate simple beauty and learn to live again. To allow pain to sit with me quietly and not fight it, just allow it to be acknowledged and understood. Seeing the space, cleansing, and the lesson it carves into one's heart, mind, life. And not to be resentful, but thankful for the lesson. How are we to grow if not through trial and tribulation? (cliche, I know)

The kind of life I want to live is one of freedom, creativity, and essentially always containing the presence of uncertainty. Not in a natural disaster type of way, but in a "let's keep things interesting" type of outlook. I have worked on reviving the person I was as a child...with certain perks of being a woman, of course. Heehee.
Forgiveness has surfaced as a theme in many ways...mostly inner forgiveness begets external forgiveness, in terms of self and others. I have to admit, I have been through some wild times in 2005-2006. But it boiled off, leaving me with a list of things I understand better, never wish to do again, a sense of confidence, a sense of accomplishment, and readiness to move into a new phase and not look back wistfully. The crush of a noisy drunk bar doesn't entice me like it used to...the hangover from the end of 2005 has finally subsided. I never wish to smoke a cigarette again. I don't want to have a one night stand ever again. I want to spend my time on people, endeavors, thoughts, and activities that count. I want to make something of this life that isn't ordinary, isn't selling short, isn't a pipe dream. I thought of these things while climbing Iron Mountain today with Rachel, as we discussed where we are both at in life. I recommended the book my Chodron. Like passing the torch. Now it is her turn to whoop it up and shake things off.

Things I have learned that served me well through this time:
Learn to take risks, even if you are scared.
Learn to trust your guts, and follow them. It is your primal instinct and internal compass.
Don't lie, cheat, or steal. And let people in when there is heavy traffic...Jeez.
Be patient with yourself during a time of intense change, because you didn't make it there in one night and it will take some time to create a new you, a new body, a sharper mind, a more organized life...whatever. Just set your mind to it and don't give up.
Put out what you wish to receive. Simple karma.
And lastly, live a life of love.